'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
