Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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