oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will be naked everywhere
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
