textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
