:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
