i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
