i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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