the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
