I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
