i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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