Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
