Don't make out with my wife yet
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
