I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize