Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
