Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
