were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize