Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize