I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
