I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
