Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
