and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
