2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
