I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
