I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
