does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
