I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
