you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
