The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
