Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
