Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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