i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
