is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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