from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
