Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
