Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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