Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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