my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
