please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
