there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
