I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
