pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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