Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
