How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
