You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
