yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
