38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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