Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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