i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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