do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's never too late to be topless.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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