i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it's like iHOP with fire
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
