return my video game
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize