help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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