you're like a bully in the Christmas story
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
