It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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