Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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