ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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