i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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