i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
