I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize