This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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