Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
