I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
