I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
