I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We are all done wearing pants today
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
