You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
