Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
