He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can't talk, ducks in the car
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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