I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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